13.03.13 Wednesday 1610; half day off after a morning of Prof PSL Beh Pathology Shock Lecture followed by a microbiology lab practical on infective endocarditis; waiting for basketball training at 2000 then watching past interhall vs Wei Lun match footage for evaluation.
Been thinking all day about Choir. Choir, Choir, Choir, my beloved Choir, my fantastic choir that uplifts me always, yet simultaneously blesses me with extra deep frown lines and the moodiest depression swings and the toughest headaches.
BUT. I think I have cracked a solution - at long last. After 6 months of waving my arms around like a psychopathic maniac waving a machete around hoping to take his fury out on some poor innocent bystander on the street or in the park.
《愛情樹》 冉天豪
Literal translation: "Love tree".
A deeply moving love story, with an introduction from the composer (excuse my poor Chinese-English translation skills, even after 6 months of training in the RC Connect / RC Translation Team):
"We will never be able to explore how high the sky is, nor will we ever wish for the Tower of Babel to stand tall and upright, this is a moral we have not been able to face for thousands of years. Despite this, to irrigate and water and shower a tree with love, can perhaps be said to stretch beyond the limitations of human life, when the end of the world strikes upon us, it will grab hold tightly onto the earth, and continue to rise and extend upwards, patiently waiting for the reawakening and revival of the next world, this is the power of hope and belief. The piano guiding the main melody responds at the start and end, bringing with it soil and nourishment for support, enabling the choir to sprout from a single seed, to a large tree, and finally fantasising into a whole landscape of bright colours and optimism and powerful energy.
So actually, to be honest I was lying around on my bed feeling vulnerable and lost and a bit hopeless, just in general hea-ing and lazing around and procrastinating and deciding that I wasn't in the mood to catch up with my lecture or practical notes and just did not want to work at all, when it suddenly hit me. Epiphany.
My relationship with God.
The most ironic thing about this was that it was connected with the other song that our Choir will be singing - A Little Jazz Mass, Gloria, by Bob Chilcott - a hymn-like jazz choral piece praising the omnipotence of God! This was to be conducted by Lucia, who also felt little towards it but was improving much more rapidly than I, as she happened to have more "abstract emotion" towards music in general, whereas I had more technique and in effect could help our Choir with more basic fundamentals such as intonation, articulation, and dynamics.
Anyways, off-topic. Back to the main point. Yes. My relationship with God was on and off, and I could apply this to my music!
The day before after choir rehearsal, Leon Chu pulled Lucia and I aside to have a little chat on what was on our minds that still pressured us, making us perhaps fearful or unprepared for Sunday's performance (note, performance, not competition!!! Though it is an official interhall competition, Leon Chu will never admit to it being a competition because then in essence it will have lost its meaning; music is for performing and expressing, not for competing. I wholeheartedly agree. I hate music being a competition. It's too subjective when you're expressing it in your own way. ><) Leon Chu told me to think about my past relationship with my boyfriend. But I was done with that. I didn't want to have anything to do with it anymore. JUST NO. So I thought long and hard and as it usually happens with me, it took me aaaaaages to come up with a better plan. I recalled he said to think of something I yearn for, yet know for sure I can't have. And in a sense, this is not exactly true in the example I am going to give in a second, yet I have not exactly achieved it yet and so, still in the obstacle-filled stage reaching up and striving for the light, I hope that my story will help me to conduct better and express how I feel about my experiences. To my dearest choir. To Leon Chu. To the judges. To the audience. To HKU. To the world. To myself. Only then will I be able to rest in peace and pay my respects and show my gratitude for these past 6 months of sacrifice from everybody and their expectations of me.
Actually, this post is getting a little too long-winded so I shall start my story in the next post. Catch you in a bit. It is actually coming, mind you. No more interruptions, I promise. :)
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