Is it ever okay to cry in front of patients? - 今年開始上ward出bedside clerk case, 對於以前preclinical時對clinical同patients的想法有很大的轉變. 雖然作為ward裏的終極SOL, get 錯曬DDx, take漏history, 做PE忽略曬details, 口啞啞brainfreeze說話不經大腦無邏輯亂七八糟 (醫生問why can't the patient open their mouth? 我居然答cos the patient has no tongue)... 但是每次clerk完醫生開估或看病歷... (比較) 精神奕奕的病人居然是 end stage terminal illness, CA with widespread distant met... 真的很心痛, 很心痛. 有一次更加沒聽醫生講書雙眼游走到後面病床的伯伯, 應該是中風無法說話, NG tube 鬆脫, 要姑娘再插, 伯伯辛苦地反抗但半身癱瘓只能無聲哭泣... if a picture can paint a thousand words, then his face was worth a million - of pain, of anguish, of sorrow, of despair. 前幾天也去了小兒外科病房上課, 遇見先天性疾病的BB👶, 小朋友👦👧, 甚至比我年長的大女👩因先天膽管閉塞手術20年後後遺症而入回來paed surg ward... 有人告訴我不能做兒科因為不忍心面對被病魔折磨而受苦的孩子們... 但是我們往往忘記了病人比我們想象中堅強得多, 生命力毅力意志力比健康人頑強. 有看On Call 36的朋友可能記得金句, "健康的人不一定快樂, 病人亦不一定不快樂". 生命很復雜, 但快樂很簡單. 即使書本裏數字上告訴我們怎樣poor prognosis, complications, recurrence, etcetcetc - 但cliche也要說, stats are dead and humans are alive. 生命本身就是一個奇跡吧! 即使你我他都知道太多病還沒法根治, 病人依然緊抱著一份不死的信念, 盼望醫生能夠empathise. 然而一向都習慣hide my emotions, 不會感情用事的我來說, 的確有無數次想在病人面前流淚 - be it heartbreaking or heartwarming tears. At the end of the day也只能說it's only human to do so... right? 那重點應該放在 "under what circumstances" is it okay to cry in front of patients?
A photo posted by Phoebe Mak (@_phoebemak) on
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