Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Hockey #6
20150202 2130
Monday night.
National squad training.
But wait, no. A clash. It's basketball night, a friendly with Swire hall. Tipoff at 7pm.
Basketball season has just begun, and out first interhall match of the year is on Thursday up against Hysan.
Under any other circumstances I would make way for all basketball (without clashing with Choir, of course)... but now, with squad training ... I don't know how to prioritise again.
Coach Arif held a squad team meeting last Friday, where he talked about immediate goals (now), short term (1-2 years), middle term (3-5 years), and long term goals (6-9 years). Most of all, he talked about commitment. And passion.
I don't know whether I should take him literally, but in his own words, he said, he didn't mind if we arrived late to training, be it 7.30pm (start time), 8pm, 9pm, even 9.30pm for footwork drills with the mini hurdles and ladders and stuff.
So, being the smartass I am with excellent time management that I most certainly possess ... I thought, basketball friendly will start and end on time for sure.
Bzzt. Wrong again.
Start time 7pm?
Nah. More like 7.30pm.
End time 8pm?
Nah. Ended at 8.45pm.
So King's Park in Jordan? I guess just under an hour. But with waiting time, walking time, delay time, this and that ... no way was I gonna reach there before 10pm closing time. How shameful.
I feel so guilty now. I know today I let down so many people.
In the morning, pantry was in absolute chaos, 4th world war. And I didn't do a single scrap of tidying before leaving for class.
Was late for my 0830 lecture, and elected to hop off down the lateral aisle on the far side, whereby distracting classmates. Got told off by the professor as a whole class at the end of the lecture. Oops.
Made my 10am appointment at the Chest Clinic in Sai Ying Pun, to check out my tuberculin skin test results. All fine, felt a bit hostile today, and the doctor only saw me for a grand total of 30 seconds, just to say, "you're perfectly fine, no TB, skin test induration is less than 10mm, we'll get your report done within 10 working days, now off you go". Ended up leaving at 11.45am... hmm ...
So was mega late for public health tutorial which was supposed to run from 1030 to 1230. By the time I arrived our tutor Dr Tian was already in the final stages of summarising and going around the table for feedback. Oops again.
Lunch was great, we had K-BBQ.
Afternoon tutorial was fine with a hilarious obstetrician & gynecologist, Dr Aaron Kwok Chi Wai.
Then came nightfall.
First of all, I missed Derek baba's handball interhall match, which I did not even know he was still playing in. Turns out they lost to Swire hall by 1 point and it was devastating for the team.
Then, I had to miss out on most of Jenga's female softball interhall match, due to our basketball friendly. Half the team were my floormates - van, cm, amiee, yw (teamcap), and old ghost Rita too. So it was heartwrenching to see them shine on the softball pitch for just a few minutes before having to pop next door to the basketball court.
Basketball friendly was uneventful. Felt like I let down my Coach Fung Gor, teammates, and myself, as I missed many steals and many fastbreak layups. Ugh. So pissed off at myself!!!
Then as I was thinking about heading off to hockey training at King's Park ... I realised time was way overdue. It was 2045 by the time I lined up for the minibus, which was filled with other hall people having just finished some hockey or lacrosse training at P2. I decided to give up that night's hockey training.
And when I returned to hall, I had to face the dreaded message to the national squad Manager (actually not even sure if she's manager, she's in charge of international liaison and seeing who stays on the squad and who's not fit to carry on) ... anyway, Miranda, I played in our club Shaheen B's league matches with her a couple times, she's fantastic, a striker, former national squad starter, and highly experienced and decorated.
She was perfectly nice, but I could tell I let her and the squad down.
I feel terrible. How can I not?
I hate disappointing people, most of all myself.
How can I get over myself!!! How!!!!!
Monday night.
National squad training.
But wait, no. A clash. It's basketball night, a friendly with Swire hall. Tipoff at 7pm.
Basketball season has just begun, and out first interhall match of the year is on Thursday up against Hysan.
Under any other circumstances I would make way for all basketball (without clashing with Choir, of course)... but now, with squad training ... I don't know how to prioritise again.
Coach Arif held a squad team meeting last Friday, where he talked about immediate goals (now), short term (1-2 years), middle term (3-5 years), and long term goals (6-9 years). Most of all, he talked about commitment. And passion.
I don't know whether I should take him literally, but in his own words, he said, he didn't mind if we arrived late to training, be it 7.30pm (start time), 8pm, 9pm, even 9.30pm for footwork drills with the mini hurdles and ladders and stuff.
So, being the smartass I am with excellent time management that I most certainly possess ... I thought, basketball friendly will start and end on time for sure.
Bzzt. Wrong again.
Start time 7pm?
Nah. More like 7.30pm.
End time 8pm?
Nah. Ended at 8.45pm.
So King's Park in Jordan? I guess just under an hour. But with waiting time, walking time, delay time, this and that ... no way was I gonna reach there before 10pm closing time. How shameful.
I feel so guilty now. I know today I let down so many people.
In the morning, pantry was in absolute chaos, 4th world war. And I didn't do a single scrap of tidying before leaving for class.
Was late for my 0830 lecture, and elected to hop off down the lateral aisle on the far side, whereby distracting classmates. Got told off by the professor as a whole class at the end of the lecture. Oops.
Made my 10am appointment at the Chest Clinic in Sai Ying Pun, to check out my tuberculin skin test results. All fine, felt a bit hostile today, and the doctor only saw me for a grand total of 30 seconds, just to say, "you're perfectly fine, no TB, skin test induration is less than 10mm, we'll get your report done within 10 working days, now off you go". Ended up leaving at 11.45am... hmm ...
So was mega late for public health tutorial which was supposed to run from 1030 to 1230. By the time I arrived our tutor Dr Tian was already in the final stages of summarising and going around the table for feedback. Oops again.
Lunch was great, we had K-BBQ.
Afternoon tutorial was fine with a hilarious obstetrician & gynecologist, Dr Aaron Kwok Chi Wai.
Then came nightfall.
First of all, I missed Derek baba's handball interhall match, which I did not even know he was still playing in. Turns out they lost to Swire hall by 1 point and it was devastating for the team.
Then, I had to miss out on most of Jenga's female softball interhall match, due to our basketball friendly. Half the team were my floormates - van, cm, amiee, yw (teamcap), and old ghost Rita too. So it was heartwrenching to see them shine on the softball pitch for just a few minutes before having to pop next door to the basketball court.
Basketball friendly was uneventful. Felt like I let down my Coach Fung Gor, teammates, and myself, as I missed many steals and many fastbreak layups. Ugh. So pissed off at myself!!!
Then as I was thinking about heading off to hockey training at King's Park ... I realised time was way overdue. It was 2045 by the time I lined up for the minibus, which was filled with other hall people having just finished some hockey or lacrosse training at P2. I decided to give up that night's hockey training.
And when I returned to hall, I had to face the dreaded message to the national squad Manager (actually not even sure if she's manager, she's in charge of international liaison and seeing who stays on the squad and who's not fit to carry on) ... anyway, Miranda, I played in our club Shaheen B's league matches with her a couple times, she's fantastic, a striker, former national squad starter, and highly experienced and decorated.
She was perfectly nice, but I could tell I let her and the squad down.
I feel terrible. How can I not?
I hate disappointing people, most of all myself.
How can I get over myself!!! How!!!!!
Friday, January 23, 2015
Hockey #5
20150123 2600
National squad training tonight.
I bailed on Monday training, partly due to fear, partly due to period pain. The period pain was probably exacerbated by the fear.
I bailed again on Thursday training, due to basketball and choir. Again and again I need to remind myself of my promise - I will never let anything compromise my music. It's true, I place music on top of sports, and especially choir.
So Friday training was my first and only training this week... I knew that the others might hate me for it, I suppose they all did some fitness training on Monday or Thursday, and that by Friday Coach (Arif) would already realise the squad was drained and would not make us run again.
My guess was correct.
Yet I was still struggling to keep up and very much out of breath by the last training drill towards the end of training.
I have a long long looooong way to go.
But I was quite glad I went today.
Albeit being late by 20 mins due to having a rest after Paedi bedside teaching, then catching the 970 late (no 970x...) and traffic in Austin & Jordan.
It was much happier today, only one thought on my mind: if Coach has no problem with your poor commitment, then I will go for training's sake. Just here to stick to the shadows and learn from the Greats and stay humble. Don't offend anyone or get in anyone's way and you'll be fine.
And with that, one simple thought, no fear, no worries, no burden... it all became easy. Just be yourself. Just play hockey. Just do it. What you do best. It's what made the training so much more bearable and enjoyable and fresh. You come to training, you only got one goal and only one thing should be in your mind: to get better. This is what young Logan taught me, from Masterchef Junior Season 2. To get better. Good, better, best - never let it rest.
Just work it. Sweat, and determination, and willpower, and a fighting spirit. To beat myself. To overcome my challenges every time I'm on the pitch.
Will play in Shaheen B's league match tomorrow evening against LHT A. Let's see what we can make out of it!
National squad training tonight.
I bailed on Monday training, partly due to fear, partly due to period pain. The period pain was probably exacerbated by the fear.
I bailed again on Thursday training, due to basketball and choir. Again and again I need to remind myself of my promise - I will never let anything compromise my music. It's true, I place music on top of sports, and especially choir.
So Friday training was my first and only training this week... I knew that the others might hate me for it, I suppose they all did some fitness training on Monday or Thursday, and that by Friday Coach (Arif) would already realise the squad was drained and would not make us run again.
My guess was correct.
Yet I was still struggling to keep up and very much out of breath by the last training drill towards the end of training.
I have a long long looooong way to go.
But I was quite glad I went today.
Albeit being late by 20 mins due to having a rest after Paedi bedside teaching, then catching the 970 late (no 970x...) and traffic in Austin & Jordan.
It was much happier today, only one thought on my mind: if Coach has no problem with your poor commitment, then I will go for training's sake. Just here to stick to the shadows and learn from the Greats and stay humble. Don't offend anyone or get in anyone's way and you'll be fine.
And with that, one simple thought, no fear, no worries, no burden... it all became easy. Just be yourself. Just play hockey. Just do it. What you do best. It's what made the training so much more bearable and enjoyable and fresh. You come to training, you only got one goal and only one thing should be in your mind: to get better. This is what young Logan taught me, from Masterchef Junior Season 2. To get better. Good, better, best - never let it rest.
Just work it. Sweat, and determination, and willpower, and a fighting spirit. To beat myself. To overcome my challenges every time I'm on the pitch.
Will play in Shaheen B's league match tomorrow evening against LHT A. Let's see what we can make out of it!
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Monday, January 19, 2015
Hockey #4
20150119 2100
Manager just called. A short one, but agonising, uplifting, encouraging, killing, fiery.
I was very reluctant to pick up.
The night before, she released the namelist of the training squad. I counted maybe 25-30 names on there, the final squad to any competition should have 18 if I remember correctly. Not that that was on my mind anyway.
The moment I saw the email, with "congratulations" as the first line, my heart sank. This was not the conclusion, or the beginning, that I'd hoped for.
She said, in that fateful phone call, she understood that I had my other commitments, so did other players. After all, in Hong Kong, even at this level, no one plays profesionally, all of us have our own lives and work and school to attend to, so she can allow me to skip Thursdays. (i know you're gonna read this some day, and yes, I initially rejected the national squad due to thursday trainings clashing with choir !!! call me a fool or whatever but i really gotta sort my priorities straight). Even if I can't come on some Mondays and Fridays, she's perfectly okay with that. She said, the team of Coaches and Managers carefully handpicked the team members cos they really believe these girls got a lot of potential going on for them and they'd really love to try develop them, see what they can get out of us, so it would be a mega shame to let us go just like that.
Honestly, I don't believe I am much of a player to continue developing, as my future is straight - once I hit Year 5 I'm out, and beyond that there's just no more time for training or whatnot! How can I let hockey get in the way of my patients!
Or even now! How can I let hockey get in my way of creating wonderful music I promised myself to?
For God's sake, I'm a third year medical student, a music potato, and a player on multiple sports teams. Not an athlete! Not in any way.
I know what my dream was 12 years ago. Primary 4 Chinese essay, titled my dream, or dream career, or my future, whatever.
"To be a doctor, musician, and athlete."
Perhaps predominantly doctor full-time (check - full-time 24/6 0830-1730 medical student)
and part-time musician (err, half check - choral conductor on Tuesdays and Thursdays, youth orchestra cellist on Sundays)
and part-time athlete (no! team player only! semi-check - faculty soccer & basketball competitions during sem 1, hall basketball training weekly, hall hockey training weekly, club hockey training weekly, hockey league matches on Saturdays, and now national squad training TRIweekly - Monday Thursday AND Friday - of which I will skip Thursdays for choir.
I made a promise to myself, that I would never compromise any of my music for sports. Unless it was cos I was gonna fail medicine.
But now, hockey could be the reason I fail medicine.
But if I really had the heart, I would've rejected the Manager during that phone call.
That's me. Never able to say no to anyone. UGH. I'm sick of myself!!
I know I"ll never get a shot at overseas competitions with the national team. I'm far from that. Being on the training squad is already like finding a needle in a haystack for God's sake.
Why did I have to be "me"?
Why do all good things come to me?
Why does everything decide to crash on me NOW???
Why are there so many doors open for me, yet I choose to close one and look for another window??
I would really like to see inside of me. What am I made of?
Just elements. Water. Carbon. Oxygen. Hydrogen.
Just like everybody else.
Human.
So that's what you gotta be.
Just be human.
Just be yourself.
Just give it your all and more.
And take a break when it's really too much. (isn't that now ......??????)
omg.
Manager just called. A short one, but agonising, uplifting, encouraging, killing, fiery.
I was very reluctant to pick up.
The night before, she released the namelist of the training squad. I counted maybe 25-30 names on there, the final squad to any competition should have 18 if I remember correctly. Not that that was on my mind anyway.
The moment I saw the email, with "congratulations" as the first line, my heart sank. This was not the conclusion, or the beginning, that I'd hoped for.
She said, in that fateful phone call, she understood that I had my other commitments, so did other players. After all, in Hong Kong, even at this level, no one plays profesionally, all of us have our own lives and work and school to attend to, so she can allow me to skip Thursdays. (i know you're gonna read this some day, and yes, I initially rejected the national squad due to thursday trainings clashing with choir !!! call me a fool or whatever but i really gotta sort my priorities straight). Even if I can't come on some Mondays and Fridays, she's perfectly okay with that. She said, the team of Coaches and Managers carefully handpicked the team members cos they really believe these girls got a lot of potential going on for them and they'd really love to try develop them, see what they can get out of us, so it would be a mega shame to let us go just like that.
Honestly, I don't believe I am much of a player to continue developing, as my future is straight - once I hit Year 5 I'm out, and beyond that there's just no more time for training or whatnot! How can I let hockey get in the way of my patients!
Or even now! How can I let hockey get in my way of creating wonderful music I promised myself to?
For God's sake, I'm a third year medical student, a music potato, and a player on multiple sports teams. Not an athlete! Not in any way.
I know what my dream was 12 years ago. Primary 4 Chinese essay, titled my dream, or dream career, or my future, whatever.
"To be a doctor, musician, and athlete."
Perhaps predominantly doctor full-time (check - full-time 24/6 0830-1730 medical student)
and part-time musician (err, half check - choral conductor on Tuesdays and Thursdays, youth orchestra cellist on Sundays)
and part-time athlete (no! team player only! semi-check - faculty soccer & basketball competitions during sem 1, hall basketball training weekly, hall hockey training weekly, club hockey training weekly, hockey league matches on Saturdays, and now national squad training TRIweekly - Monday Thursday AND Friday - of which I will skip Thursdays for choir.
I made a promise to myself, that I would never compromise any of my music for sports. Unless it was cos I was gonna fail medicine.
But now, hockey could be the reason I fail medicine.
But if I really had the heart, I would've rejected the Manager during that phone call.
That's me. Never able to say no to anyone. UGH. I'm sick of myself!!
I know I"ll never get a shot at overseas competitions with the national team. I'm far from that. Being on the training squad is already like finding a needle in a haystack for God's sake.
Why did I have to be "me"?
Why do all good things come to me?
Why does everything decide to crash on me NOW???
Why are there so many doors open for me, yet I choose to close one and look for another window??
I would really like to see inside of me. What am I made of?
Just elements. Water. Carbon. Oxygen. Hydrogen.
Just like everybody else.
Human.
So that's what you gotta be.
Just be human.
Just be yourself.
Just give it your all and more.
And take a break when it's really too much. (isn't that now ......??????)
omg.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Hockey #3
20140118 2600
Just sent a very heavy email to the national squad manager.
I am very fearful for her response.
But for now, sleep.
I won't give up music for hockey. No matter what. Not even for the national squad.
Just sent a very heavy email to the national squad manager.
I am very fearful for her response.
But for now, sleep.
I won't give up music for hockey. No matter what. Not even for the national squad.
Hockey #2
20150118 2400
我不知該怎樣說，不知該跟誰說，不知如何到達這個地步。
。。。
我被選入女hockey港隊senior training squad。
。。。
下？？？什麽？？？
咪玩啦。
對，自己也不敢相信，甚至不想被選。但是，training squad已經confirm了。剛剛三個小時前收到不該收的email 。。。
雖然不是正式出去外地打國際球賽的港隊 final squad，但是也要commit, 訓練要達到國際球賽的水平。不知應該想什麽，只知自己很亂很煩很不知所措。
我心想。。。害人害己。心底非常沉重，不敢面對這事實。
早前已post 。。。 整件事來的太突然，實在毫無心理準備，令人忐忑、不安、恐懼。
我不配。
只會拖累大家。
更何妨。。。我沒有時間。
不可能的。
明天要跟教練談談。
媽媽呀我很亂呀爲什麽會到達這個地步呀！！！！！
我不知該怎樣說，不知該跟誰說，不知如何到達這個地步。
。。。
我被選入女hockey港隊senior training squad。
。。。
下？？？什麽？？？
咪玩啦。
對，自己也不敢相信，甚至不想被選。但是，training squad已經confirm了。剛剛三個小時前收到不該收的email 。。。
雖然不是正式出去外地打國際球賽的港隊 final squad，但是也要commit, 訓練要達到國際球賽的水平。不知應該想什麽，只知自己很亂很煩很不知所措。
我心想。。。害人害己。心底非常沉重，不敢面對這事實。
早前已post 。。。 整件事來的太突然，實在毫無心理準備，令人忐忑、不安、恐懼。
我不配。
只會拖累大家。
更何妨。。。我沒有時間。
不可能的。
明天要跟教練談談。
媽媽呀我很亂呀爲什麽會到達這個地步呀！！！！！
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Hockey #1
20150108 星期四 2430
20150108.
今天，我做了20年平凡人生裏最瘋狂的事。
我跟了港隊訓練。
下？？？什麽？？？
對，沒錯，自己也嚇壞了。
早已收到球會師姐轉發的電郵，香港曲棍球總會（女子部門）將會舉行港隊公開訓練，歡迎所有屬下球會球員來“跟操”，爲了備戰2015年林林總總的國際球賽。
當時完全無視了那封email，因爲沒什麽大興趣，好像昨天才開始打hockey的小薯仔又怎會突飛猛進可以有資格去呢？
錯。
星期一，港隊2015年第一次公開訓練，當然我沒理會正在hall内溫書。
星期一晚上2300，球會總教練（同時也當任港隊總教練，也是RC男team教練，及球會senior女team A教練，也即是不是直接我的主教練，而且沒有認識我多久（兩個月吧...）突然facebook dm我親自邀請我去下一個港隊公開訓練。我呆了起碼半小時吧。不敢回復。不敢想象。不敢面對。沒有用，什麽的不敢，快要連做人早上起床也不敢了。... :'(
機會殺到，當然要第一時間搶，便口急急答應了。意料之中，答應了之後那刻就心慌慌了。從來也沒有那麽害怕，同時閒也從滿期待，興奮。
Why me?
Why not me?
不斷在想這兩個問題。也不敢跟別人說。其實已心知不妙，我只是個初學者，怎樣看也不配跟港隊訓練。不太在意其他人怎樣看我，只知道自己的Level比她們差999999倍。哈哈。不是開玩笑喔，真的。很多basic skills我剛新學或還沒學，也沒主動找人教我。
那究竟教練（Arif）爲何會看得上我呢？我絕對不是什麽明日之星，也不是特別年幼，有潛質，可以花時間培育我。
我想，應該要告訴他，其實，我是全職三年級醫科學生，兼職音樂薯仔，兼職運動卒仔。20嵗女孩只懂讀書玩音樂玩球類活動... 沒有空間發展我吧。普通打聯賽便可。
但是我哪有勇氣say no? 這個別人一生也沒有的機會，竟然再次放在我眼前，我不爭取就代表我白痴嗎？？？
最後，決定了既然答應了便要守承諾，抱著謙虛學習的態度。我非常敬佩香港隊。之前跟球會的developmental team (其實是senior team (A team) 在加多五個B team球員而己) 北上到深圳隊打友誼賽，已經認得出有半隊都有港隊經驗，最可怕的是，她們大多數都是比我年幼。那我決定了只會抱著“跟操”、跟後面觀摩試試看的心態去幫助我面對和overcome魔鬼的恥笑聲音和自己set給自己的保護網。這樣子開心多了，因爲知道我很多方面都零經驗，但這會是終極挑戰，讓我知道自己的不足，持續push & motivate自己。After all，打competitive sports爲了什麽？
To get better. To challenge myself, and overcome my own barriers. To recognise my strengths and weaknesses. To leave it all on the pitch with no regrets. To discover myself.
星期三，跟球會練習，早了出門，撞到教練，他再次問我會否到港隊訓練。這次比之前多了些少自信，對，我會去明晚的港隊訓練。
星期四（今晚）終于飛到了。再次差不多mental breakdown，開始找原因去和不去。有選擇嗎？沒有。
完了。終于可以鬆一口氣。因爲，名副其實，港隊，standards當然要高。
平時不愛練體能的我虧了，無限抽筋，無限喘氣，無限跟不上。肌肉快要爆炸了。
但永不放棄。堅持不跟教練說，我不行了。不讓自己有任何藉口停下來休息。
現在，媽媽我真的累坏了累透了。完完全全整身缺乏任何力氣。全都留在king's park hockey ground了。
不可否認，的確是一個極度難忘的經驗。
明晚再有港隊訓練，但是我不能去，因爲要去family medicine attachment，到醫生診所實習. 不知是否好事。好的是，可以讓我休息，已經能預計明早肌肉酸痛不讓我下牀（但一定要，明天上學0830 full day，媽媽呀~~~）。坏的是，每一次練習都一樣寶貴，好像浪費了。浪費了教練的苦心。浪費了他种在我心裏的種子，那團火。
沒辦法。
下星期，星期一、四、五也有港隊公開訓練。希望我會珍惜這些機會，盼望能夠在短時間内超乎想象地進步，對得住教練，對得住自己。Never let it rest. 加油（火火火）~
--
大概2013年9月才開始 pick up 曲棍球這樣神奇的東東，
2013年10月第一次打interhall hockey，很有火很有憧憬，但剛開始，球隊也不爭氣，便輸了所有比賽
2014年6月hockey freshman tournament射進了hockey生涯中第一球（但未能晉級到playoffs）
2014年10月第二次interhall hockey，射進了第二球（但也輸了所有比賽）
2014年10月尾RC 男team 教練 Arif 邀請下進入了他的球會，Shaheen (沙鷹體育會)，Ladies B team
2014年11月第一次跟Shaheen打曲棍球聯賽，射進了人生第三球（第一次嘗到贏波的滋味）
之後那場聯賽再射進多兩球。其實純屬意外好運，隊友給我很多機會，很多鼓勵，我非常感激。正在想beginner's luck會持續多久。
之後那場沒有射進任何球。呀，beginner's luck完了。開始要醒醒定定用腦袋打球，學懂十萬樣東東~
2015年1月頭跟Shaheen到深圳打友誼賽
2015年一月中跟港隊練習
一年多，竟然可以發生唐山大地震round 2, 我也不敢想象在不遠的未來，將會帶來什麽新驚喜。Let us wait and see.
Believe in yourself.
Just do it.
Make it count.
Dance in the rain, don't wait for the storm to pass.
生命無take 2.
哈哈。
20150108.
今天，我做了20年平凡人生裏最瘋狂的事。
我跟了港隊訓練。
下？？？什麽？？？
對，沒錯，自己也嚇壞了。
早已收到球會師姐轉發的電郵，香港曲棍球總會（女子部門）將會舉行港隊公開訓練，歡迎所有屬下球會球員來“跟操”，爲了備戰2015年林林總總的國際球賽。
當時完全無視了那封email，因爲沒什麽大興趣，好像昨天才開始打hockey的小薯仔又怎會突飛猛進可以有資格去呢？
錯。
星期一，港隊2015年第一次公開訓練，當然我沒理會正在hall内溫書。
星期一晚上2300，球會總教練（同時也當任港隊總教練，也是RC男team教練，及球會senior女team A教練，也即是不是直接我的主教練，而且沒有認識我多久（兩個月吧...）突然facebook dm我親自邀請我去下一個港隊公開訓練。我呆了起碼半小時吧。不敢回復。不敢想象。不敢面對。沒有用，什麽的不敢，快要連做人早上起床也不敢了。... :'(
機會殺到，當然要第一時間搶，便口急急答應了。意料之中，答應了之後那刻就心慌慌了。從來也沒有那麽害怕，同時閒也從滿期待，興奮。
Why me?
Why not me?
不斷在想這兩個問題。也不敢跟別人說。其實已心知不妙，我只是個初學者，怎樣看也不配跟港隊訓練。不太在意其他人怎樣看我，只知道自己的Level比她們差999999倍。哈哈。不是開玩笑喔，真的。很多basic skills我剛新學或還沒學，也沒主動找人教我。
那究竟教練（Arif）爲何會看得上我呢？我絕對不是什麽明日之星，也不是特別年幼，有潛質，可以花時間培育我。
我想，應該要告訴他，其實，我是全職三年級醫科學生，兼職音樂薯仔，兼職運動卒仔。20嵗女孩只懂讀書玩音樂玩球類活動... 沒有空間發展我吧。普通打聯賽便可。
但是我哪有勇氣say no? 這個別人一生也沒有的機會，竟然再次放在我眼前，我不爭取就代表我白痴嗎？？？
最後，決定了既然答應了便要守承諾，抱著謙虛學習的態度。我非常敬佩香港隊。之前跟球會的developmental team (其實是senior team (A team) 在加多五個B team球員而己) 北上到深圳隊打友誼賽，已經認得出有半隊都有港隊經驗，最可怕的是，她們大多數都是比我年幼。那我決定了只會抱著“跟操”、跟後面觀摩試試看的心態去幫助我面對和overcome魔鬼的恥笑聲音和自己set給自己的保護網。這樣子開心多了，因爲知道我很多方面都零經驗，但這會是終極挑戰，讓我知道自己的不足，持續push & motivate自己。After all，打competitive sports爲了什麽？
To get better. To challenge myself, and overcome my own barriers. To recognise my strengths and weaknesses. To leave it all on the pitch with no regrets. To discover myself.
星期三，跟球會練習，早了出門，撞到教練，他再次問我會否到港隊訓練。這次比之前多了些少自信，對，我會去明晚的港隊訓練。
星期四（今晚）終于飛到了。再次差不多mental breakdown，開始找原因去和不去。有選擇嗎？沒有。
完了。終于可以鬆一口氣。因爲，名副其實，港隊，standards當然要高。
平時不愛練體能的我虧了，無限抽筋，無限喘氣，無限跟不上。肌肉快要爆炸了。
但永不放棄。堅持不跟教練說，我不行了。不讓自己有任何藉口停下來休息。
現在，媽媽我真的累坏了累透了。完完全全整身缺乏任何力氣。全都留在king's park hockey ground了。
不可否認，的確是一個極度難忘的經驗。
明晚再有港隊訓練，但是我不能去，因爲要去family medicine attachment，到醫生診所實習. 不知是否好事。好的是，可以讓我休息，已經能預計明早肌肉酸痛不讓我下牀（但一定要，明天上學0830 full day，媽媽呀~~~）。坏的是，每一次練習都一樣寶貴，好像浪費了。浪費了教練的苦心。浪費了他种在我心裏的種子，那團火。
沒辦法。
下星期，星期一、四、五也有港隊公開訓練。希望我會珍惜這些機會，盼望能夠在短時間内超乎想象地進步，對得住教練，對得住自己。Never let it rest. 加油（火火火）~
--
大概2013年9月才開始 pick up 曲棍球這樣神奇的東東，
2013年10月第一次打interhall hockey，很有火很有憧憬，但剛開始，球隊也不爭氣，便輸了所有比賽
2014年6月hockey freshman tournament射進了hockey生涯中第一球（但未能晉級到playoffs）
2014年10月第二次interhall hockey，射進了第二球（但也輸了所有比賽）
2014年10月尾RC 男team 教練 Arif 邀請下進入了他的球會，Shaheen (沙鷹體育會)，Ladies B team
2014年11月第一次跟Shaheen打曲棍球聯賽，射進了人生第三球（第一次嘗到贏波的滋味）
之後那場聯賽再射進多兩球。其實純屬意外好運，隊友給我很多機會，很多鼓勵，我非常感激。正在想beginner's luck會持續多久。
之後那場沒有射進任何球。呀，beginner's luck完了。開始要醒醒定定用腦袋打球，學懂十萬樣東東~
2015年1月頭跟Shaheen到深圳打友誼賽
2015年一月中跟港隊練習
一年多，竟然可以發生唐山大地震round 2, 我也不敢想象在不遠的未來，將會帶來什麽新驚喜。Let us wait and see.
Believe in yourself.
Just do it.
Make it count.
Dance in the rain, don't wait for the storm to pass.
生命無take 2.
哈哈。
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