Emissary Vein.

Study Pressure Post #2
30.04.2014 3.33am

Emissary vein.

My way of remembering it? In misery vein.

Though I am not totally in utter and despair misery, my mind is clouded.

Fear is not in my way, though it is imminent.

Ofc, ofc, don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from loving and playing the game.

Be brave. Stand strong. Have faith. You will make it. Support. Give you fire.

Words without worth, without value. Under any other circumstance they would make me tear up and discover that newfound ounce of strength safely tucked away in my heart.

But no. Saying them to myself never works.

I want to be motivated. I am driving myself. Pushing myself. Kicking, punching. Screaming. Exploding inside. Yet appearing calm on the outside.

I can do this. My endurance is enough to keep me going for weeks. (not...)

Isn't this part of my training? As a musician, as an athlete? Perseverance?

Get your head in the game.

Even if the examiners don't think you're worthy of a pass, at least you know you've egged out 500% of strength and willpower that's bursting inside you.

As I write this, I am strangely calm. I've been calm all along, just that revision seems so unproductive and inefficient and I just wish I had the same energy and motivation that drove me through my IB exams.

I. Just. Want. To. Study.

In peace.

Please.

Things Moms Want Their Daughters To Know

is it weird i find this so comforting and strangely hilarious at the same time? ^u^

Grade 3 piano sight reading (2nd time)

https://plus.google.com/photos?pid=6005769910844457906&oid=107972878962462154297

Suddenly wanna play piano.

glitches, glitches everywhere.

George Enescu - Romanian Rhapsody N° 1 Op 11 (Celibidache)

Celibidache - (one of) Coach's favourite conductor(s).

Before he mentioned it to me a couple days ago, I'd never even heard of him. And that first instant I bumped into his vid - Pictures at an Exhibition (does Coach think I still have an obsession over it though maybe yes i do) - wasn't exactly my greatest impression of the great Maestro that I have come to realise now.

And pretty much spent the whole of yesterday afternoon watching Celibidache. His documentary - "You don't do anything, you let it evolve" - really is fascinating indeed. Though a huge shame that the guy who uploaded it has only provided eng subs for the first half ... the other half is in italian subs only -cry-!!! T_T

And after watching so much Celibidache ... I can't say I really like him all that much, but he has that wow factor that's like a magnet pulling me closer to delving deeper into his world. And what a world it is. Just like so many other things in life, I have the utmost respect and admiration for this great man, though I feel like I would not get along with him. I'd cave in to his criticisms and imposing and bold personality hahah~

In fact, I see a bit of him within Coach. (oh gosh if you ever read this ... don't comment.) the first impression comes from a clip in-rehearsal - when he barks at the pianist "tempo!! what's the matter with you?" xD

One thing is without doubt: Celibidache is an incredible teacher. I learnt so much just from watching his documentary!!! Though I don't agree with everything he says (only natural i think... or else i'd just be like a guard dog or yes-man), and there are some things in the documentary he said which I don't understand ... but I'm so glad Coach introduced me to his vids. Actually I stumbled upon his documentary a little by accident. A day or two I saw Coach post a Fb status, and even changed his Ig status to "You don't do anything, you let it evolve" ... and did not have a blinking clue as to what he was on about. Then yesterday as I watched more Celibidache, it suddenly appeared.

Somehow I feel a bit like I've intruded on Coach's privacy and his "space".

--

Anyway. back to Enescu's Romanian Rhapsody (which he composed at 19!!!). *v* Played this with YSO a couple years back and had a blast, one of those pieces that really stuck in my mind and I'd instantly be able to play the whole thing through if you gave me the cello score xD

It's such a fun piece! And "fun" is exactly what Celibidache gave in this vid. Such charisma! Such life he breathed into it! Shake of the hips here, twitch of the fingers there, stroke of the hair (such flamboyance... though I can't deny it doesnt suit him or that I don't like it, lol~) ... I had so much fun just watching him conduct. His facial expressions are priceless.

"Experience". Not just understand. - what Celibidache emphasised in the documentary. And again another reference to Coach - "music is not a bunch of cues". In Celibidache's direct words - "music is not just notes or intonation."

He also said, "you cannot define music". But, when you hear it, you will be able to say "that is music". Simply, "that's it". Not "that's beautiful, wonderful ...", but ... as direct as can possibly be, "that's it"!

And "he (his student) must find the reality behind the notes on his own. Reality that can't be interpreted". For it is not Celibidache's interpretation. Celibidache didn't write it. For the composer started with the experience and came to find the notes, whereas we start with the notes and come to find the experience. Wow. that really struck me hard. Just reading it, makes perfect sense. Of course. But when you think deeper ... really gives you a reality check. Perhaps that's what makes him so legendary.

And whilst I toil through my study, I shall engrave Celibidache's words into the back of my mind - find the reality that can't be interpreted. There is beauty within the music, and I will come to find that beneath beauty there lies truth.

Thank you Coach, thank you Celibidache~!

RC Choir 2013-14 #4

16.04.2014 1430

the morning after the final regular RC Choir rehearsal of 2013-14.

eating lunch. (finally hungry???)

莫名其妙的快樂.

experiences shape who we are. every day, every minute, every second of our lives. It's unpredictable - you never know what might happen the next second. That's also what makes life fun - who wants to know everything that will happen in their lives anyway?

I love quotes. Ever since my first smartphone, on which one of the first apps I chanced upon was "50,000 inspirational quotes", I've spent far too much time browsing through them. 

A selective few that's on my fb profile:

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other" - Luciano De Crescenzo

"Many people will walk in and out of our life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul"

"When you are enjoying life time flies by, when you are not it stands still, though in reflection of this stillness, the observant may note how much of it has passed, and how much has been wasted"

"When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing" - Catherine Ponder

"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can" - John Wesley

"Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy" - Joseph Campbell

"The journey of life is like a man riding a bicycle. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. We know that if he stops moving and does not get off he will fall off" - William Golding

"Life is intrinsically, well, boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course, it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring" - Edward Gorey

--

And somehow though yesterday was essentially, what may be said to be the "farewell" rehearsal of rehearsals (double pun haha get it?) ... and in my heart I was crying cos I really didn't want it to end right there, right then ... but somehow all I could feel externally, was an unexplained joy.

Perhaps I was disappointed by the turnout. 2 sopranos (only one of who can sing @ farewell), 3 altos (2 can sing @ farewell), 2 tenors, and 2 basses (1 in the beginning). Just admit it, I scared the others away. Hmm...

Anyway. This undescribable joy. Wasn't total "yay omg happiest day of my life" kind of joy. But a slight flutter, the kind that makes you just wanna keep smiling ... y'know? 

And the joy extended, and stuck by my side throughout the whole night, and even this morning it still hasn't totally vanished yet. Though it's slowly being eliminated by ... other things. ><

Anyway, the joy got so powerful at one point that I decided to change my profile pic. Like, spontaneously. Haha. Didn't know where that came from. Since I don't really fb much (though yes I stalk infrequenty... and yes I scroll through newsfeed sometimes...)

And used a pic from that happy day at Disney......... I mean, Inspiration Lake. Haha, just off Disneyland, but part of the Disney premises. Was a bit of a surprise, really. At first I was really reluctant to go, being a joint-floor activity and all. And on a Sunday. Pretty much consumed the whole day (cooking in the morning, picnic in the afternoon, then dinner at Hall tgt). 

But it was also unimaginably fun. And when you truly have fun, whatever you do, it brings out the best in you. Perhaps I was very stressed out, and that little bit of fun cheered me up immensely. And it resulted in a very happy pic~ xD

And today ... I still feel remnants of this joy. This joy that somehow managed to get me to volunteer to play piano for 讓生命圓滿 last night at rehearsal. The heck did I do. I had no idea where that courage came from. Again, a spontaneous decision I somehow made on the spot. Grade 3 sight reading for the win :P

And today since I was still happy, I decided to bash on the piano for a while. And though my sight reading skills absolutely suck (don't ask me how I managed to get through to the end in ytd's rehearsal), I found that I had let my studies overwhelm me, and having music by my side really comforted and soothed my soul.

Which then made me wonder ... a while ago I had come to an agreement with my inner self (yes, I'm an introvert and I talk to my inner self ... o_o) that music and medicine pretty sum up my life and help me stick on my path of discovering the meaning and purpose out there in the dark dark world. But that I'm struggling to find the balance.

And now it feels like medicine, not that I have lost the passion for it, but it has become a bit of a burden. And as a result I have turned more and more towards music.

But it can't work that way, I know. Because being my field of study in uni, I have a duty to "pass" my exams. Or else I'd get kicked out. Conversely ... there is no "failing" in music.

Coach said. "Keep find(ing) it. You know it can be found eventually".

I know it's true. And I'm trying so hard to stick to this mindset. But it just kills me inside when there are no guidelines to follow, or when I let medicine burden me, or when I burden myself with my music in order to wipe out the gaping holes that medicine has left in me. Perhaps it's only because the preclinical years are rather cumbersome. And that next year, when I start going out to clinics and hospital wards and actually gaining a much wider exposure to actual "medicine", that fire will relight in my eyes, and that flame will burn strongly in my heart once again.

But in order to get there. Need to pass year 2 exams first. Argh.

Joy. think joy.

Give 200% in all you do, and have fun no matter what. My two rules in life.

Make meaning out of study and revision~ :)

2CELLOS on 1 cello! Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall - Coldplay

so much joy watching 2CELLOS :') every. single. time.!!!

Study Pressure Post #1

I just wanna study. roar.

The problem with being too involved in hall ... taking up so many posts ... (though yes ultimately all of these are my own choices, is this the consequence I brought down on myself?!)

... the problem is that there are 99999999999999999999999 gazillion little tiny itty bitty bits of this and that that require constant bickering about, require constant monitoring, constant chasing him and her, constant "caring" about. just wanna fling it all off my plate. and study.

never have i wanted so desperately to focus on one thing: study.

well, never in uni, should i say.

just wanna go back to those days before my public exams - GCSE, IB.

just stuck in my Dad's office early each morning with only one mission to fulfill each day: study. Easy? Back then, relatively so.

and the fact that hall people just treat medics like BA students doesn't help at all. Now please don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on Arts students, I love you guys, my best friend is an Arts student and I totally respect her. But it's just so different, our timetables, our academic schedules, our deadlines. My bff has three days off a week whilst I probably only have one "accidental" day off per semester. My "roommate" (if you know what i mean) has constant 1230 classes and waltzes back at mid-afternoon grabbing people to have afternoon tea with her. (no, please, don't have a bad impression on her based on this description. ofc i'm just exaggerating).

But you get my flow.

And now that medics have hit study-leave and exam season ...

Can i just leave everything else aside.

Probably even the smallest one is also the most annoying - Interfloor basketball competition. It was originally set in early April ... but due to IHP booking problems we ended up settling for 26th April. And now IHP says the hoop or net is broken and they gotta fix it so they cant offer us our original timeslot.

And even though the captains of the boys team have kindly offered to take up most of the admin and communicating work. I still gotta know about these things as one of the (smaller, small potato) organisers of this event. And I'm in charge of the posters. Damn. Thank goodness we haven't printed millions of copies yet.

And I was thinking of going late or leaving early for it, cos the whole thing lasts for 6 hours T_T. But as a captain and an organiser ... no chance. I hate being irresponsible. Hate escaping my duties. If I agree to do something, I must see that it is 200% completed before I push it aside. Bad habit. Sometimes.

As I said to my groupmates in Ocamp last year ... during some deep talk session which was surprisingly fun considering I hate talking and being socially awkward and all ... (again pls don't take me as a mad psychopath, I promise you I'm fully sane and fully human ...), before in high school whenever I partnered up for any type of work ... I'd work my ass off to get my part done early, and if my partner didn't, I made sure his/her part was also up to scratch. And I never went to bed without completing my work first. You know how some people wake up early to work. I could never do that. So instead, I stay up late.

"No rest is worth anything except the rest that is earned".

The first time I saw this quote, was on my brother's laptop a few years back. I didn't know what it meant back then, but I didn't dare ask my brother. In case he laughed at me for being too dumb to understand. (shh).

Now I do. And I totally believe in it. Even though sometimes I do get too tired and fall asleep without putting in that 10% more. Don't take me as a perfectionist, by no means am I one.

I just wanna study.

Spectacular Salsa - Paddy & Nico - Electric Ballroom | Britain's Got Tal...

Nico: "She (Paddy) can. Old people can. If you want, you can."

Brings me back to what Coach said. "Don't look down (on) yourself. You will be what you wanna be".

Truer words hath nought been spoken before.

Yet ... I don't have the courage to do it. U of Sydney BMus+MD programme ... me? I can't even take myself seriously, I'd be the laughing stock of everyone. Especially now that I've (almost) finished year 2 MBBS here in hk. And my grades aren't exactly respectable. To be dead honest ... I'm below average. Near the bottom of my class. Though I've never cared much about it since we don't have GPA anyway. And as my dad has always said, "a pass is a pass". Just like in high school. "An A* is an A*. A bad A* is still an A*. Who cares if you scored 90% or 100%. On that single piece of paper ... to ignorant people giving you the offer ... A* is what they will see".

I know I should just 知足常樂 ... I have had some of the greatest opportunities in life. Really blessed. Some days I just feel like saying "I've had my time. Perhaps it's time to move on". But to be dead honest ... how can I just leave something that I've thrown myself into, poured my heart into ... for my whole life?

From starting baby piano lessons at Tom Lee - those Yamaha courses that you take with your mom ... haha, except that my parents were always busy and so my Grandma always accompanied me :')
- my first exposure to music when i was 4-5
- then my first encounter at those Music Office outreach days and trying the string instruments (at that time my brother had already chosen saxophone, and so my mom brought me to a string session) when i was 7
- to my first failure to enroll in Music Office
- to my second (successful) attempt to pass the "audition" and earn myself a place in the elementary cello course at Music Office when i was 8.
- to my first taste of orchestral training when i was 9. (just the junior school orchestra, but at that time it was a big deal!!!)
- to my first tour with YSO to Shanghai for the 2010 Expo.
- to jamming and ensemble playing with my closest buddies and eventually showcasing our wonderful Brahms Piano Trio no.1 and "earning" the Best Senior Ensemble and Ensemble of the Year "awards" in my final year.
- to RC Choir ... my first "real" taste of choral music and the impact and influence of a brilliant Coach.
- to actual conducting ...

unlike some people :( i feel that my musical journey has been rather smooth, though I have thought of stepping away and moving on to try newer things at times. But every time I try to do so ... it pulls me back. If I had really wanted to leave, I wouldn't have stayed in YSO for so long. I first joined in 2007 and since then it has never crossed my mind NOT to reapply each year. Even though I am getting quite old compared to my other cello-mates, who are mostly still high school kids. Though sometimes I am thankful I don't look (that) old. :P as I have mentioned somewhere before ... I was always happy. Though lacking in confidence ... never once has music made me depressed.

That's the power of music. Always uplifting, always encouraging, always pushing you to your limits. Just depends on how much oomph you wanna give back in.

Or the pressures of peers, media, society.

Or back to the fundamental question. What is "good" music. What makes ppl wanna come tgt and appreciate music with similar values. Why is some music more "appealing" than others. Why is there such a criteria. When indeed there should be none (or at least, no strict ones...) ... why can music be so competitive.

And back to my question. What will happen in a few years (actually dangerously closer than i think ...) when I leave my comfortable musical surroundings and environment, venture out to the big cruel world ... where can I continue my music. It will never be the same as before, obviously I have realised that long ago. And ofc I will have to step out of my comfort zone - no more YSO, probably can't be so involved in RC Choir ...

to be dead honest. i hate trying new things. hate breaking out of my comfort zone. though sometimes it is not necessarily such a bad thing ... i feel like in order to try new things i have to sacrifice old things. and i dont wanna leave the past behind. as depressing as some of the past is ... it has also given me so much to reminisce on. and using that powers me, keeps driving me forward.

they say, when you wanna give up ... think of where you started. just see how far you've come. then you'll know your journey must certainly not end here.

that's why i'm still here. that's why the flame in my heart is still burning. that's how i keep the fire lit in my eyes. as small as an impact as i'm making ... as few people as i am reaching out to ...

it keeps me human. i am who i am.

there is no old me, new me, real me. i am me. and i will never be anyone else but me.

resilience.

Salut Salon Competitive Foursome

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=268457760002594&set=vb.182521798596191&type=2

Salut Salon "Competitive Foursome"

what did i just watch !!!

incredulous. cant believe my eyes, so much fun watching these insane ladies play!

brings me back to the days of messing around in rehearsal haha. my earliest memories are probably in Sha Tin Junior School Orchestra ... this boy Mike (who's now a final year Geography undergrad at U of Southampton in the UK) used to sit just a bit in front of me as a Violin 3 (lol yeah the best u can do without any violists ... remember this is just primary school and international schools aren't competitive, we never went to MusFest or other competition crap. basically if u knew how to play an instrument and you could do the most basic score reading (not even sight-reading, mind you...), then basically you'd get invited into Orchestra. Still rmb I spent the first three years of junior school sulking and becoming progressively more and more jealous of all the kids who got "invited" into the Orchestra hahahhaha. Since you couldn't just "join" it as an extra-curricular activity, you had to be "invited". ew.

Anyways, in P4 ... i'd just learnt cello for a year in Music Office, i think. And somehow or the other my music teacher (the dear old lovely Ms Chiam ... one of the kindest and nicest and biggest hearted teachers I ever had the pleasure of knowing!!) found out that I played cello, and invited me to Orchestra. (YES!!!)

Ofc at first I didn't know what to expect. And having always been an introvert, and shy, and nervous, and socially awkward ... I was so lonely that first day at rehearsal. Scared out of my wits. And I think there were only 1-2 other cellists only. Can't rmb who the second one was. But the first was my senior by 2 years, a lovely lady, Audrey, who eventually also played with me in YSO for 2-3 years. (lol somehow she was also a student of Ngai sir ... somehow over half the cellists I met in junior school, high school, JCE, and YSO were at some point or other his students ... coincidence?! Though not really ge ... as he did teach a lot of cello in Music Office before he left to go freelance and eventually open his own 琴室 Cellistizzimo~ and as an alumni of YSO ofc he'd recommend his students to go for orchestral training there~).

ah. watching music clips on FB and YT always trigger good memories and I just go ranting on and on about how great my musical experiences were growing up. Though it was not always smooth and successful ... it was most definitely always happy. :') and even if others weren't happy, I learnt to be happy through my own playing. :) though it wasn't always "good". or up to "standard". LOL. yeah i was a happy kid as long as i got to play.

oh anyway. back to that kid Mike. anyway he was quite naughty and used to play bow fights with all the other kids who would oblige to play with him. and somehow one day he started a bow fight with me and somehow I was feeling a bit mischievous too and so we started a massive bow fight. Thank goodness in those days I still used a cello rented from MO and so it didn't really matter that much if I caused a lot of damage. (sorry ... i know it's wrong, but as a kid you dont really think much about these things xD). And we'd switch bows. And at one point instruments.

And after that my first few years in YSO with my other high school friends. (3 violinists and another cellist).
We even switched mutes one time HAHAHAH. and we'd play high up on the fingerboard and get the rosin dust smeared all over the neck 五把位 area and had a hard time clearing up the mess. Got our fingers all sticky but it was fun haha~

and we'd hold our bows the way bassists do. or erhus.

and afterwards, in high school, there was a period i think in Year 10 (Form 4), for GCSE music coursework we had to create our own composition. The topic was "experimental music". We could choose between minimalism and this, I think. And i rmb i didnt like minimalism. Even though the music as a product could be pretty cool (ref Jade Kim's "Raindrops" wow at that time I didn't appreciate it that much but after a while, and listening to it a few weeks ago really made me smile again!)

Anyways, experimental music. If you've ever watched Ethan Winer "A Cello Rondo" ... you'll get what i mean. This was the demonstration video shown in class. And I decided that I'd give it a go. I even performed it in the "Composition" category of the annual Young Musician's Festival. Even though it turned out terrible. HAHA. Cos I believe I mixed in too much, trying to fuse in everything, from baroque to classical to 20th century to Ethan Winer to chopstick slapping to glissandos to harmonics. to. everything and anything you'd ever imagined possible on a cello. haha, though the techniques were fascinating and i had the time of my life creating that composition!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ve4cBOnSU9Q Ethan Winer "A Cello Rondo"


And after that. just jamming during rehearsal. or one of our own ensemble rehearsals. can't rmb. either way, we started messing around as we always do ... multiple bows on a single string.
guitar strumming.
playing my cello like it was a violin, and never fearing that it would be too damn heavy and drop LOL.
screeching the notes out beyond the bridge and trying to figure out what note it was.
bowing ON the actual bridge.
at one point i was also obsessed with col legno.
and for a while i never got around to figuring out what senza sordino meant. HAHAHHAHA. even though i knew what con sordino was. eek. stupidity and ignorance at its finest.

yeah. basically this vid just suddenly activated a whole FLOOD of memories. and reminded me that you can legit mess around with your instruments. not just as kids. :') thanks girls for reminding me~!

Michael Spencer, young cellist with a twist

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=745857952123878&set=vb.100000990414527&type=2

WOW. so much inspiration. this kid is a blessing. :')

First Nick Vujicic. and now this guy Michael Spencer. My heart is soaring. Invaluable life lessons that keep the flame burning alive in me.

RC Choir 2013-14 #3

10.04.2014 0220
After choir rehearsal.

Currently listening to: Pictures at an Exhibition (Stokowski orch.)
Already in my youtube searchbar: Abbado with Lucerne Festival Orchestra

(writing this down so i dont forget and so i have a reference for future encounters...)

Wow. the Stokowski orchestration ... I can't say I dislike it, but ofc I still much prefer Ravel's orchestration. It is strange in some senses, but wow in some places it really strikes my heart right "there".

... okay wow I just had a few mins taste of Abbado with the Lucerne Festival Orchestra. Mahler 1. Just the beginning, not so much action yet. But dude I have goosebumps already, came out from nowhere, and an instant connection of this ethereal entity. I can see everything through Maestro Abbado's hands. Such magic. Such a flow. And his smile :) "a smile that could melt glaciers" ... haha what a fitting metaphor!

--

So late night free blogging again. A lot on my mind, don't really wanna go there. Better to neglect the thoughts that are tied up. Crush it. Suppress it. Negativity. Get out, you don't belong there. lol trust me I'm not a mad psychopath. Just hate it when it creeps in and silently attacks you. I feel that everyone must have felt this way at some point or another. More than once definitely. But this is happening to me on such a regular pressure especially when I let the stress get to me. Stress is not necessarily a bad thing, I watched a TEDTalk last night on how stress actually helps you find meaning in your life. And that's a good thing. But it does get crazy frustrating when it all accumulates and punches you in the face in one go. Multiple goes, in fact. Tis not a boxing fight.

Again thought of another Bible verse I stumbled upon during the previous Joint Class Medic Fellowship with CUHK medic guys too.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. - Ecclesiastes 3:1

so is it exam season right now?
can they overlap?
can music season span the whole year and never end?

back in high school. i always treated music as a hobby. my top passion, outside of academics. Along with basketball.

My basketball coach said, if you're gonna get your head in the game, and gonna stick with it, then be sure to make basketball your top priority. after academics, of course.

So what now? Music has become my top priority. On top of academics, in fact. But it is no longer a hobby or a passion. But my life. In essence, life would be nothing without music, ofc. Music has so many diverse forms. Not just notes and scores. Not just melodies and harmonies. Rhythms and beats of everyday life. Pitched and non-pitched alike. How many times have you tried to mimic a funny doorbell jig? Don't lie. There used be one at Honeymoon Dessert (dunno if they still have it anymore, was a few years ago, the one in Shatin on the second top floor opposite the Starlight Garden, next to the CD Records store).

My memory is so bad I can't even recollect what the actual tune was, but I remember it only because I was with a few YSO friends (the same ones from high school), another cellist and three violinists, and we were arguing about a Eb being slightly out of tune hahahah! The violinists couldn't hear a difference, but my fellow cellist and I were insistent about it being flat. It was very very very uncomfortable to our ears (not to the extent of making us leave the place, but cos it kept repeating ... it did kind of kick us in the stomach every time it played lol).

Anyway ... the point being. Music is everywhere. Silence is music too. Silence is my greatest comfort.

Again welcome to the world of an introvert.

Want to write so much more but study beckons.

Laterz~

Fragments of memories of music @ high school.

原本想短短地post @ Twitter 不過驚覺有中同follow我account, 而我又唔係特別想俾還在那裏讀書的師弟妹看到此post lol ...

anyway... (btw 一直以來都是用英文寫blog post, 今晚突然想寫中文, 原諒我中文差~)

http://www.shatincollege.edu.hk/sites/shatincollege/files/SpringConcert2014Poster.png

我間中學今年 Spring Concert 居然邀請到一隊 HK Welsh Male Voice Choir! 仲有上年新成立 ge Sha Tin College Chinese Orchestra lol... 一定係今年新上任, 從 KGV 跳過黎 ge 音樂系主任做的好事. 當然還不少得不死的 Choir, Orchestra, and Dance.

突然間好掛住由中一一直到會考教我的那位音樂主任 ... 我中七那年他跳左過去 Kellett School (Pokfulam/香港仔附近好似有一間, 不過那學校近幾年才建立, 亦有好多個細 campus 分佈港九新界, 已經忘記了他在那個 campus 任教~). 此後, (在 KGV 轉過黎的音樂主任上任之前) 中學的音樂系差不多倒塌了. (苦笑). (dead serious).

不是說還在堅持搞好音樂的那兩位老師沒有心, 只不過他們能力有限, 又沒有太大的説服力, 學生們也開始漸漸失去對校内音樂活動的那份支持、熱情、信心、堅持.

那年, 我經歷了最差的一個 STC in Concert (Annual Concert involving Drama, Choir and Orchestra, with a few solo/ensemble performances splattered on top just cos Choir and Orchestra were too mundane) 還有 Spring Concert. 排練居然可以有半數缺席. 而每當籃球跟排練相撞的時候, 只要我跟老師說半句道歉她便非常輕易地放我走... (對不起, 在年頭大多時候我都選擇了籃球因爲那段時間正正是學界加英基學校聯賽再加上全港國際學校聯賽, 而我是隊長, 爲了留在學界甲組以及衛冕英基+國際學校聯賽冠軍 (去年的師姐們太強勁了, 三個聯賽不是排第一就是第二, 讓我壓力超標~)

Anyway, off topic~

總之, 我中七那年校内音樂活動非常黑暗, 很遺憾不能夠為我們心醉于音樂的一群畢業生留下最美好的回憶. btw 我中學一向都比較少 student-run activities, 音樂呢家野更加只是兩位音樂老師負責, 想幫都不知道怎樣幫 :'(

啊, 除了一年一度的 “青年音樂節" (haha, Young Musician's Festival直譯). 那年我跟兩位好朋友想演奏一彈勁野 show hand (話曬都係final year), 一個小提琴兩個大提琴可以怎樣呢. lol. 有想過String Trio, 但係咪玩 ofc 唔work, 結果我提出 Piano Trio (另外一個大提琴手也是鋼琴好手). 我們始終對於非string quartet ge ensemble music 很陌生, dum了很久我才找到玩得過而風險不會過火的 Brahms Trio No.1. 第一次上 YouTube 聼好震撼, 因爲那時我們還是比較無甘成熟的樂手.

雖然話曬我們三個都 (叫做) 考了演奏級, 亦在 YSO 拉了一段時間（我2007年開始）, 無懼睇譜視奏, 甚至ensembleship, musicianship 都有某程度上的認識 ... 但是始終也是第一次以Piano Trio這個組合表演, 好像有點保留、不太自在的感覺.

回溯, 這些想法實在太好笑. 那時爲了練習, 給師生和觀衆送上一首美麗樂曲, 為我們的最後一年畫上完美的句號 ... 我們瘋狂到隔日早上上課前半小時練習（還試過得到老師批准后走堂練習 -- NB we only skipped registration and tutor period - 就是早上集會聼老師講bulletin, 派通告那些零碎野才會走 xD）... lunch break 不吃飯練習, 學校樂團和YSO排練一放break也練習, 周末去他們家里練習 ... 果然, 爲了趕在 比賽 表演前連成這首很棒的樂曲, 真係好顛, 去到好盡.

那些日子也許是我中學生涯裏最懷念, 最愉快, 最美好的一段日子.

結果我們真的獻給所有人很動聽的表演. 雖然比賽規則只能夠讓我們表演短短的四分鐘（那樂章應該是七/八分鐘左右吧！）, 但是. 在我們三個人的心目中, 我們成功了. :D

比賽還是比賽, 最後拿了 "Best Senior Ensemble" 同埋 "Ensemble of the Year", 錦上添花.

其實呢個 blog post 原本是講我中學下周舉行的 Spring Concert, 但是突然又引起中學音樂的回憶, and then really got carried away. far, far away.

然後驚覺原來已經淩晨三點, 這三小時在發白日夢跟寫此post, 又無溫書, gg.

點都好, 又再次證明 music is my life, it will be my first love, and it will be my last.

沒有音樂我想我真的不能真真正正地活著. 要繼續為音樂堅持、奮鬥. 一定要.
想起高中讀 IB philosophy時, 的名句 "the unexamined life is not worth living" (Socrates)
雖然現在的balance非常差, 基本上是 predominantly music --> then sports --> then medicine --> then friends --> then family ............................................................. --> then sleep.
不過 ... 我真係全部都放唔低. 點算.

--

所以便讓音樂繼續帶領我人生吧。
Let the music of my life lead me to newer paths, greater heights, and seemingly impossible dreams.

Let's go~

Hillsong United - Aftermath (+playlist)

My current study buddy. Even though it has lyrics ... and I do get high on it ... but it helps a lot with concentrating.

Though aftermath is not my favourite track out of the album, it is probably the one with the most impact and one to leave the biggest mark.

My favourite tracks in this album - Like an Avalanche, Awakening

Hillsong United ... probably one of the few bands I actually went to see live when they toured HK. As a Christian Worship Band it is even less likely that I'd pay so much money to go see them. But damn it wasn't just a show. It shattered my previous experience of listening to them. Crap.