Emissary Vein.

Study Pressure Post #2
30.04.2014 3.33am

Emissary vein.

My way of remembering it? In misery vein.

Though I am not totally in utter and despair misery, my mind is clouded.

Fear is not in my way, though it is imminent.

Ofc, ofc, don't let the fear of striking out prevent you from loving and playing the game.

Be brave. Stand strong. Have faith. You will make it. Support. Give you fire.

Words without worth, without value. Under any other circumstance they would make me tear up and discover that newfound ounce of strength safely tucked away in my heart.

But no. Saying them to myself never works.

I want to be motivated. I am driving myself. Pushing myself. Kicking, punching. Screaming. Exploding inside. Yet appearing calm on the outside.

I can do this. My endurance is enough to keep me going for weeks. (not...)

Isn't this part of my training? As a musician, as an athlete? Perseverance?

Get your head in the game.

Even if the examiners don't think you're worthy of a pass, at least you know you've egged out 500% of strength and willpower that's bursting inside you.

As I write this, I am strangely calm. I've been calm all along, just that revision seems so unproductive and inefficient and I just wish I had the same energy and motivation that drove me through my IB exams.

I. Just. Want. To. Study.

In peace.

Please.