the morning after the final regular RC Choir rehearsal of 2013-14.
eating lunch. (finally hungry???)
莫名其妙的快樂.
experiences shape who we are. every day, every minute, every second of our lives. It's unpredictable - you never know what might happen the next second. That's also what makes life fun - who wants to know everything that will happen in their lives anyway?
I love quotes. Ever since my first smartphone, on which one of the first apps I chanced upon was "50,000 inspirational quotes", I've spent far too much time browsing through them.
A selective few that's on my fb profile:
A selective few that's on my fb profile:
"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly embracing each other" - Luciano De Crescenzo
"Many people will walk in and out of our life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart" - Eleanor Roosevelt
"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul"
"When you are enjoying life time flies by, when you are not it stands still, though in reflection of this stillness, the observant may note how much of it has passed, and how much has been wasted"
"When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing" - Catherine Ponder
"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can" - John Wesley
"Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy" - Joseph Campbell
"The journey of life is like a man riding a bicycle. We know he got on the bicycle and started to move. We know that at some point he will stop and get off. We know that if he stops moving and does not get off he will fall off" - William Golding
"Life is intrinsically, well, boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course, it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring" - Edward Gorey
--
And somehow though yesterday was essentially, what may be said to be the "farewell" rehearsal of rehearsals (double pun haha get it?) ... and in my heart I was crying cos I really didn't want it to end right there, right then ... but somehow all I could feel externally, was an unexplained joy.
Perhaps I was disappointed by the turnout. 2 sopranos (only one of who can sing @ farewell), 3 altos (2 can sing @ farewell), 2 tenors, and 2 basses (1 in the beginning). Just admit it, I scared the others away. Hmm...
Anyway. This undescribable joy. Wasn't total "yay omg happiest day of my life" kind of joy. But a slight flutter, the kind that makes you just wanna keep smiling ... y'know?
And the joy extended, and stuck by my side throughout the whole night, and even this morning it still hasn't totally vanished yet. Though it's slowly being eliminated by ... other things. ><
Anyway, the joy got so powerful at one point that I decided to change my profile pic. Like, spontaneously. Haha. Didn't know where that came from. Since I don't really fb much (though yes I stalk infrequenty... and yes I scroll through newsfeed sometimes...)
And used a pic from that happy day at Disney......... I mean, Inspiration Lake. Haha, just off Disneyland, but part of the Disney premises. Was a bit of a surprise, really. At first I was really reluctant to go, being a joint-floor activity and all. And on a Sunday. Pretty much consumed the whole day (cooking in the morning, picnic in the afternoon, then dinner at Hall tgt).
But it was also unimaginably fun. And when you truly have fun, whatever you do, it brings out the best in you. Perhaps I was very stressed out, and that little bit of fun cheered me up immensely. And it resulted in a very happy pic~ xD
And today ... I still feel remnants of this joy. This joy that somehow managed to get me to volunteer to play piano for 讓生命圓滿 last night at rehearsal. The heck did I do. I had no idea where that courage came from. Again, a spontaneous decision I somehow made on the spot. Grade 3 sight reading for the win :P
And today since I was still happy, I decided to bash on the piano for a while. And though my sight reading skills absolutely suck (don't ask me how I managed to get through to the end in ytd's rehearsal), I found that I had let my studies overwhelm me, and having music by my side really comforted and soothed my soul.
Which then made me wonder ... a while ago I had come to an agreement with my inner self (yes, I'm an introvert and I talk to my inner self ... o_o) that music and medicine pretty sum up my life and help me stick on my path of discovering the meaning and purpose out there in the dark dark world. But that I'm struggling to find the balance.
And now it feels like medicine, not that I have lost the passion for it, but it has become a bit of a burden. And as a result I have turned more and more towards music.
But it can't work that way, I know. Because being my field of study in uni, I have a duty to "pass" my exams. Or else I'd get kicked out. Conversely ... there is no "failing" in music.
Coach said. "Keep find(ing) it. You know it can be found eventually".
I know it's true. And I'm trying so hard to stick to this mindset. But it just kills me inside when there are no guidelines to follow, or when I let medicine burden me, or when I burden myself with my music in order to wipe out the gaping holes that medicine has left in me. Perhaps it's only because the preclinical years are rather cumbersome. And that next year, when I start going out to clinics and hospital wards and actually gaining a much wider exposure to actual "medicine", that fire will relight in my eyes, and that flame will burn strongly in my heart once again.
But in order to get there. Need to pass year 2 exams first. Argh.
Joy. think joy.
Give 200% in all you do, and have fun no matter what. My two rules in life.
Make meaning out of study and revision~ :)
No comments:
Post a Comment